Choice Taken

My Late Brother, he always was late in fact late for work, late home, late with homework , late full stop. The only difference now is that i'm talking about a different kind of lateness, the late that can't be reversed the late that in fact is way, way too early.

My brother was taken from this world to the next, way too early.

A normal healthy 20 year old planning for his twenty first birthday in two months time, his life was changed forever in August of 2006. Although we lived in the same house we'd not seen very much of one another for a few weeks I'd recently started an exhausting new job and he was always out with friends or locked in his room fiddling with computers. I'd heard mum mention he'd had some trouble at work as his right hand was "playing up" i'd thought nothing of it , even on the fifth of august when he came home early from work because of it i wasn't worried , he'd started to help me put the new bumper on my car as soon as he came back "so it couldn't have been that bad could it?" No of course not.... how very wrong i was ...

You see the next day he was sent home again, mum had been at work in the morning and i'd been to the supermarket and bought random barbeque style items that I made into a cooked sunday dinner for us all. It was at this meal that we realised how bad my brothers hand was , he was unable to cut his meat and in the end mum had to cut it up for him we laughed and joked about it at the time referring to certain rude things that may have caused the hand problem and also the possibility that it was repetetive strain injury due to his unhealthy computer addiction at this meal mum and dad asked him to see the doctors before they went away for a few days the next day, i was due to go away for two nights myself from the tuesday , we joked that we'd have to leave meals cut up in the microwave so that he only had to press the reheat button while he had the house to himself. During the course of the meal Christopher mentioned a problem with speech slurring we joked about him being to lazy to talk properly none of us realising the importance of such an odd symptom.

The next day i went to work for a study day it wasn't until i was on my way home that i found out something was very wrong indeed..............

I sat on the bus and called my mum to see where she and dad had driven too forgetting completely about my brothers hand problem when mum told me Christopher was at hospital having tests ... they'd gone no-where.
As i got off the bus just a 5 minute walk away from home i recieved a call from mum telling me that something was wrong with one of the scans and that as i was so close to home she'd wait so that we could go to the hospital together, I ran home to find my mum ready to get in the car .

When we arrived at the hospital we found my brother in his bed behaving like his normal cheeky self although a little slower than usual -why hadn't i noticed this before?
When the doctor and nurse came to see us they drew the curtain and mentioned a shadow on the scan the t - word wasn't spoken but i began to suspect it was what they were referring too although my own brain appeared to be failing me at the time and i hadn't put all the pieces of the jigsaw together.

Just an Ordinary Girl

I'm sat here with an open page , thinking about what i could write that would be of relevance to me and of interest of you,- the reader, and to quote a song " i still haven't found what i'm looking for."

Shall I tell you about my dating disasters (Bridget Jones Style) , my interest in the promotion of Organ Donation in the uk, or my family and my late brother?

I would start from the beginning but then that would be 1983 and i really can't remember that far back.

Secret Diaries

Have you ever had a secret diary? Or have you ever wanted one where you could pour out your every thought or idea and somehow find the answers to all your questions just by writing them down? I tried to keep diaries, more than once, i tried to write in them every day but it didn't work. I soon got bored tore out the pages, got tired of jotting down the same questions and not finding the answers , i think the problem may be that diaries, especially secret diaries, they don't talk back , not like this one this one has hope, this one - It just might....